And Then…….

Dr. Sudhansu Dash

In an uneasy sequence of fear

I prepare myself to redefine my being

The world comes down to what

That never shaped itself

Never shall ever the same

The letters are stretched

To the boundary of my fate

All innocents sail towards the undetermined end

At the close of the day.

All numbers end

When darkness rests on the eyelid.

Sleep is about to be somewhere

Waiting at the corner

I know how to leave the numbers

And wait for them to reappear

In a long arrangement of cause and consequences

Leave it alone

This is the end of the road

What lies beyond it

You need not know

The is no need to calculate the figures now

An then….

Beautifing A Death

Dr Sudhansu Dash

I am created only to be destroyed

With the promises of an undying cause

Between two unending stops

The unrecognised beauty of every moment

Smiles at me and doubts my absented presence.

A dew drop melting into the ocean

With the beauty of a complete trust

Never grieving at the past

Not a hope on the untrusted future

Beautifing the  present in its totality

Nothing either comes or goes in me

My  whole remains with me completely unmoved

My disillusioned eyes no more feel the

Burden of my illusioned division

To measure the length and breadth of my shadow

Between my appearance and disappearance. 

Memory of a Buried Love

Dr. Sudhansu Dash

The designs of love

Hidden under my breast

All test of it is stolen

By an injurious distance

Between you and me.

Inspite of all the space

Oneday I will be brought to the region

Where you stay.

It matters nothing if I stand

The farthest end of the earth from you

As love moves over all the sea and the liad

As soon as I think where you are.

I am pained to think that I am not a thought

To leap over the long miles where you have gone

But must wait till TIME has a leasure to allow us together

Under the sweet taste of tear.

The No-Man’s  Home

Dr sudhansu Dash

Opened in all sides

A blank roof over the head

He accepts his home

In all transitoriness of his being and becoming

Spending each night

Waiting for another uncertain night

In a carefully careless   mind

All his belongings collected from the street

Are but some darkness and some light

Under the torn clothes

Carrying the burden of taking away everything

Now lying scattered in his home

Watching them carefully from a distance

Least anybody may steal it away

The whole universe belongs to him

He walks anywhere he likes

All the all the nothingness of his life

Escaping the eyes of the millions

A careless body, a careless mind

Not an assert to anybody else

Sharing a strange look with everybody else

In the midst of a mad crowd

Preserving his mad heart under a cloth less body.

A oneness occupies him

A dog, a crow with a unaddressed bird.

Covers the body under the bone cracking cold

You cannot betray him

He has disposed himself mercilessly

Life so void, so blank he understands

Much more than the foolish logic of man

Returns home if possible with two empty palms

Or may possibly be lost

Before his return.

(A mad man in the vending Zone at Dhenkanal)

The Unknown

Dr Sudhansu Dash

Cleaning the entire earth

Remaining unclean every moment

Unliving the life here entirely

The unknown.

Talks to himself his own language

Sharing but none

Beating his chest

As if it is not his own

He knows the art of disowning himself

He knows the art of being a ‘no-body’

In the crowd of all some bodies

None cares after him

Excepting throwing some words of sympathy

Poor!

An unmistakable sign of some hopeless indifference

He feels pity

Towards the oily faces of the street suffering for a no-cause

Perhaps this is the excuse

He beats the heart

Nobody understands

Nobody wants to understand him

In the fast life of the street

All moving blindly towards an irresistible love for Death

Thespace between his two empty eyes

Speaks the meaninglessness of each of our impotent words

In the world of the Unknown

MOTHER

Dr.Sudhansu Dash

A mountain of suffering

Hiding within the ocean of plights

From time infinite

Who could be par with you

My Mother?

Throughout a balanced life

With two liquid eyes

Of a rain washed morning

Consoling and quietening

The whole suffering

Condensing the prolonged joy

Veiling all the bearings

Under your gray lips

Is it love?

Just hiding all tears in your eyes

You have never tried to understand love

What you yourself are.

My Mother!

The Sparrow

Dr Sudhansu Dash

Not afraid of falling from the above

Nor below the above

But afraid of a untrusted insider in myself

This prison I have made

With the straws of my believes and disbeliefs

I have constructed it myself with all my cares

Nights after nights I have caged my innocent life

With my intimate enimical consolation

The life cries but some trusted tears

My darkness has swallowed them all with some false promises

With a word of another illuminating darkness

You may deceive anything

But not to my return to you

Before every sunset to my misfortune

With my uncomplained suffering

This is the only excuse

I am pulled again and again

To the inside of the earth

With the force of a never ending trust

For an unending curse. 

The Shadow of Darkness

Dr Sudhansu Dash

The call coming from the centre of my voidness

Shatters my being into thousands of pieces

Leaving not even a faded trace

To posses as my own.

I am but to return before time

That I have brought from others

The moment of returning home

Flies so fast that

The familiar path of everyday life

 Shall turn to a stranger to itself.

I have collected nothing other than some

Darkness and lights,

Some trusts and distrusts,

Some pain and pleasure, some justifications

All these are but the shadows of darkness

  I  preserved most carefully

Under the cloth with multiplied stitches

Helpless to uncover themselves.

Those have turned to a handful of dust.

I could carry nothing with me

But to leave all the mortal bearings

Hear in the dying earth

What the use of possessing all these

Than being blamed of having those with me?

The Walking  Monk

Dr Sudhansu Dash

Behinding all the passions of the world

The monk steps ahead on the lonely path

Towards the beyond of the horizon .

The earth unprepared to tolerate

The weight if his softest feet

Slips away from the unbearable mild sufferings

The sky extends its arm towards him 

To enclose the monk in a calm gratitude

Still unbearable

The tender touch of the sky

The eyes search around an empty direction

To lead him towards a nowhere

Perhaps this is the destiny 

The monk is waiting for

In his tireless walk  on the lonely road

Just to be a “no body “ in every moment ..

THE DIARY OF A SILENCE

Dr sudhansu Dash

Give me a handful of suffering

I would distribute all my long accumulated pleasure

Give me a drop of tear

I would wash out all your sins

Give me a cold death

I would pledge in your name

The rest of my life, written on a piece of blotting paper

My morning starts with a directionless wave in the ocean

My memory living in a missing past

Everything unclear, uncertain

All nothing but the garland of undone flowers

I am this silence

Searching myself or dissolving in a desire less void.

THE HUNTED GRAVEYARD

Dr Sudhansu Dash

I am going

Never shall get tired of my aloneness

Spreading all my unspent coldness around me

Investing the remains

 Of my unexhausted helplessness

Waiting quietly from infinity with an undying hope

At least  once your cold breeze

To touch my burning grave.

Tell me a brave

Who could root out others sufferings?

All with their forehead with drops of sweating

Of an unissued fear

All at the centre of blind sea of hemlock

At times God misses the path

In my salty tears.

Misunderstand me not

Even a thirsty particle of Trust

Could digest the sea of poison

With the desire to be eternal.

I am just a hunted passion of a dispassion

Nothing more

Waiting to cover myself Under your consoling shadow

The unwanted past your presence

Breaking myself into pieces

Moment to moment

In shaping the image of my darkness.

The Insider

Dr Sudhansu Dash

I am not afraid of

Falling from the above

But the presence of an untrusted heart in me

Digging my own grave

Before an intimate death.

The prison I have made

With the sticks and straws

Of my poisonous passions

I have constructed it

myself with all carefulness

Nights after nights

I have caged this life

Shading drops of innocent tears.

The un piercing darkness

Drinks them with a thousand and one false promises

It may deceive anything

But cannot betray my unquestionable excuses

To hold you unhurt in my palm

Till you are exhausted of your merciless bearings

It is the only why

I return in every sunset to my sweet misfortune

Pulled again and again

To the smell of the earth

With a never ending curse.

The Death of Horizon

Dr Sudhansu Dash

Banished from the womb

From the length and breadth of all eyes

Burning under the passion of a fear-mixed look

Looking for a compassionate word

To measure the distance between me and myself.

The distance between two infinities

Disappear into one another

Leaving behind a desperate long sigh.

Lifenow-here,life no-where

In the game of hide and seek

Ends my whole ego

In the over flowing tears of my eyes.

I myself a dew drop on the bed of a tender grass

Counting the pulse of being a no-more in the hard sun.

Now flowing like a dispassioned river

Knows not where,to hell or heaven?

Shivering like a dry leaf

To be suspended at any moment from the mother tree.

Still, cutting the net of illusive nothingness

The flute of hunger attracts me from the closest distance.

The transitory life,

 The print of wet feet on the dry earth

Missing its identity before looking at itself

Only remains a Smokey Horizon.

Signature of a Dead Man

Dr Sudhansu Dash

He sleeps the place

All look helpless, humble and egoless

His sacred face is more brighter

Than the transitoriness of my whole life

To me the place is not new

Some justifications

I had with me

Those turning into a handful of ashes

I am painting my own image

Absorbed in myself completely

My nothingness has covered me

From head to tail

Designed with all my futile belongings

All my beliefs turn to be questions

My echo does not return to my empty presence

Still, come here with a hope

To collect the remains of my shadow

And my broken image

Hiding itself behind the mirror

Lest they would reject immortality

After finding themselves alone.

MEMORY OF A BURNING CANDLE

Dr Sudhansu Dash

You passed away years back

Nothing else could say more

About your love

Your affection has never been a public display

But flowing in a quiet, unassuming manner

I consider myself brilliant

But no right to clip my wings

I peruse my lofty dreams

That changes every night

Instead of walking on the pitch laid by you

I am probably no where

I wish I remind my helpless past

And undo my mistakes

You dare to care me more than I consider myself

You risked more than that is thought safe

You dream more than the practical

Expected me more than what I am possible

In a silent way

I do not want the glow and warmth to go

To be a living legacy of my burning candle.

On life

Dr Sudhansu Dash

My writings are in a wet paper

My morning starts on a floating wave

My memory in a missing time

Everything uncertain and unclear

All the depetaled flowers of yesterday

Yet I am forced to live into which I am betrayed

Following a journey for a war in life

 Being a conqueror

When I return

Life is excited for another death

Futile attempt, futile ego

But where is life?

A Smile on two Broken Lips

Dr Sudhansu Dash

That day in an unbecoming morning

You told me

You will be broken

If left half way

I kept you carefully in me

With a fear

Least you will be broken

I could not understand you then

You broke all my innocent present

Sometimes you come in a stormy night

Or in a merciless sun

In my aloneness.

I have tried in so many ways

To misunderstand your presence

But failed

Now everywhere there is lighted darkness

You cannot hide in me anywhere

Still my unattached waiting for your

Egoless smile

Hanging in your broken lips

MELTING INTO THE OCEAN

Dr Sudhansu Dash

You have killed the man

Before you have allowed him to live

With your sympathetic cruelty

I have melted into the wild ocean

With all my being and becommings

  I am no more alone

My aloneness is my only excuse to love

To tolerate me

In the midst of a terrible void.

The moon of a No-Night

Dr Sudhansu Dash

Washing the humble sleepy face of the last night

I saw a woman looking at me at the other side of the pond

Half of her body in the water

And the other half showing more of what she is

Stareing at me with an unfulfilled eye

The intolerable beauty of her face

The murderous innocency on her look

May be

She, the half-made beloved of the lover of the last night

Or, diversed for unknowable cause known to her

I thought

She is discovering her man in my face

Eyes liquid with dew drops

Unfinished to be melted into the water

With a questionable conviction

I moved towards her

Two void looks merged into one another

No compulsion, no passion, no resistance,

No sin, no virtue but empty within

I returned back with a meaningless response

The day comes

My impulsive nerves pushed me forward

To have another look

The woman stood with closed eyes with her unknown aloneness

Looked at me not even a little

To share with her unbearable silence

With my countless unspoken words

Evening I moved

She lying ravished with her shattered boy

By some known stranger

Perhaps that she expected from me

But helpless I am not to murder her

Her indefinable absence murdered me mercilessly

With her unhurt beauty

Hunting me moment to moment.

Confession of a youth

Dr Sudhansu Dash

Not a confession but a question

The unanswerable echo of the hollow words

In the dense forest

Facing an intimate death in the crowded silence.

The dream of being stung together

For a moment

Cleaning the wings covered with dust

The hopes disappear in the distant horizon

Leaving me alone to live with my unjustified dreams

Leaving the signature of  a substantial fear

On my fleshy ego.

In facing a close approach to the mirror

In facing the shut up doors of flaming heart

The truth seeking mind confesses of

Just collecting the pieces of a shattered youth.

Confession of a Doll

Dr Sudhansu  Dash

I would not put on

The half made face of a man

Better to live with myself as a doll.

At least to feel the completeness of my being

I can tolerate my life

My body made of dead cotton and wire

Carry my face to you

I will wait here from eternity to eternity.

May the lamp be extinguished

Somebody says ‘,Stop it’

Say .

May come the violent brown waves of silence

From every direction

May not my silent forefathers sit before me

I will live here alone

Taking my two empty eyes

At least I can see

I do no injustice to my creator.

A Mute look

Dr Sudhasu Dash

The look looks blank

Extending to the horizon

No question no answer

But in utter calmness of a no-mind

The bones shivers and cracks

Water drops cannot rest on the body

Life waiting for a death

Waiting in the butcher’s knife

The question less looks uncomplaining and unprotesting

Just obliged to gratify

 The PHILINIC desire of the tongue

His hungry look upon the fleshy parts of my body

To destroy the warmth of coldness

For another warmth

All precautions made for a ‘no-causality’

All take the credit

The Goverment runs with a public confidence

But none to save me from the hungry passion of man

 My mother kept me in her warm bosom but an empty stomach

To shock her settled breast

Meaningless for a child

She had thousand and one promises for the tomorrow

For plenty of milk to my hungry stomach

I am not destined for it

My life costs some paper notes

The language of mother’s tear is unheard to every ear

The storm passes away

The sun shines in multiple forms

The world moves in its natural way

Everybody will be there

But not I

My two innocent looks dissolve in voidness

My voice remains unheard

My soft flesh in the burring stomach

At least console my mother

To keep her womb barren

Not to suffer another painful desert

Standing between the pains of two drops of helpless tears

And the happiness of a barren womb.

(A goat waiting for a death)

A grass under the 

    

 Dr Sudhansu Dash

It looks up with no desire

To touch the infinity

But a passion to be infinitely small

To cling to the earth

To serve with all its softness it possesses in its heart

To soften the merciless feet of  human

Walking on it.

It suffers with all pleasure

Under the feet of the man

Under a merciless sun

Under the hungry mouths of the cow

Without a complain

Its candle burns on both the ends

That is its only excuse to live.

No suffering can disturb it

It is beyond the mortal frame

In constant communion with the beyond

Drinking the nectar of infinite joy

In its unidentified frame.

Its soul pervades everywhere

From dust to the cosmos

From time to the timeless

From tears to smiles

With enough of its presence

In the smell of a passionate heart.

The Hollow Man

Dr Sudhansu Dash

I am exact, no pre occupation

I sallow things uncorrupt and chaste

Unprejudiced by love or dislike

I am the hollow man.

Neither cruel nor sympathetic

Only truthful to my being

With no motion or emotion
I wait till eternity

I think it a part of my heart

My flickering flame in darkness and light

Searches my reaches

That I can never find

In the terrible emptiness of my Being

Lying helpless at the abyss

But I reflect it faithfully

Every morning my face replaces the darkness

For another darkness

Hours I wait for another hour

That is my only excuse to live

To make all my pains a virtue.

WHAT THAT YOU DENIED ONCE

Dr Sudhansu Dash

That what you denied once

Why again today?

You made me flow in the unknown river

A bundle of straw I am

Flew away with me all my helpless past

But you signed in the bright sun

I am just a paper boat

Undestined for the opposite direction

Am I so hateful, so painful to you

Not to claim the warmth of a mother’s lap?

Better ot disturb the old wound

That will only bleed

My unknown mother?

I cannot be your ay more

I am a mistaken unknown

Carrying the bowl of all my nevers

You threw me helpless before I see the light

What pride you have

I call you my mother4?

Nobody is of nobody here

All face the same battle of life

With the same ego , the same pride

With his lonely death

Call me not your son

I am helpless

Only death calls when life begins here

Every thing a game of the maker.